The summer has ended, the kids have gone back to school, Halloween and Fireworks Night have come and gone – and now the lead-up to Christmas is upon us. This time of year, can be tough for a lot of people. Everyone talks about spending time with family and friends, but what happens when some of those people aren’t in your life anymore?
Bereavement and loss can be one of the most difficult, isolating, and lonely experiences of our lives. Yet, despite how universally human it is, it remains one of the things people don’t talk about enough. Grief is treated like a taboo subject – something to be rushed through, managed quietly, or tucked away so as not to make others uncomfortable. People often avoid the topic, changing the subject or steering clear entirely, simply out of their own discomfort with pain they don’t know how to fix.
My own experiences of grief and loss has shaped me as a person; it has changed my thinking, the way that I am, and how I see things in life. No one prepared me for the deep sense of loss and loneliness I would feel with each individual loss. All the unanswered questions, that deep sense of longing, and the past and present triggers that come out of nowhere, taking my breath away. It hurts when I realise that the people I loved won’t be around to witness life’s highs and lows anymore.
I see this in my counselling room time and time again. These similar feelings of grief, heartache and loss, echoing across different clients’ stories. Most of us will lose people in our lifetime – whether through death or because we simply grew apart and never really understood why. It is heartbreaking, and I feel deeply honoured to give my clients a safe space where they can just sit in that sadness, without judgment or unrealistic timelines.
Unfortunately, due to the very nature of grief and loss, some people don’t know what to say, what to ask, or whether they should even bring up the loss at all for fear of upsetting you. But that silence only leaves the grieving person feeling even more alone and abandoned with their pain.
To help make sense of it, here are some of the different ways we experience loss:
- Passed Away (Death and Terminal Illness)
The physical death of someone we love is often the first thing that comes to mind when we hear the word “bereavement.” Whether it happens suddenly through an accident, a medical emergency, or slowly through a terminal illness or old age, death is final. It severs the physical bond, leaving behind an empty space in our everyday lives and a permanent ache in our hearts.
This pain is uniquely deep when it involves early child loss, miscarriage, or stillbirth. Losing a child at whatever stage is a heartbreaking kind of grief where you mourn not only a precious life, but all the dreams, hopes, and unwritten memories you will never get to share together.
The grief of someone passing away brings a complex mix of shock, emptiness, and waves of sorrow. Sometimes, when a loved one has suffered through a long illness, grief can even be accompanied by a complicated sense of relief – which brings its own heavy layer of guilt. We mourn not only the person themselves, but all the future milestones, conversations, and everyday moments we will never get to share with them.
- Grown Apart (Natural Drifting)
Not all significant losses involve death. Sometimes, relationships can simply dissolve because people naturally grow and change. You look back and realise that a childhood best friend, a university roommate, or a once-inseparable confidant has become a stranger.
This type of loss can be uniquely disorienting because there is usually no single major event or argument to point to. It is a slow fade. The texts become less frequent, the calls stop coming, and your lives drift apart and go their separate ways. Because society rarely validates this kind of quiet drifting as “real grief,” we often suffer in silence, mourning a living person who is just out of reach, but this can be just as heartbreaking and sad.
- Break-ups (Romantic Separations)
The end of a romantic relationship will break apart the life you built together. When a partnership ends – whether through a mutual decision, a sudden betrayal, or a painful breakup – you are not just losing a partner; you are losing an entire future you built in your mind together.
Break-ups disrupt daily routines, shared social circles, and deeply intimate connections. The home feels too quiet, reminders lurk around every corner, and the pain can physically ache in your chest. It forces you to reinvent your identity as a single person, navigating the terrifying yet necessary process of learning how to stand entirely on your own again.
- Estrangement (The Pain of Choosing Distance)
Estrangement occurs when a relationship is severed not by death or drifting, but by a deliberate choice – often due to toxic dynamics, boundary violations, or irreconcilable differences within families or partnerships.
This is an extraordinarily heavy grief because the other person is still alive, and they might not even live far away, yet an invisible wall stands between you. Estrangement is marked by a deep ambivalence and a persistent whisper of “what if.” It forces individuals to grieve a relationship while the other person is still here, carrying the agonising weight of unanswered texts, unreturned calls, and the longing of know how they are and what they are doing with their lives now, including worrying if they are alive and well.
- Animal Loss (Grieving Our Furry Friends)
Our pets stand by us through everything, offering unconditional love without any conditions or judgment. When they pass away, the heartache can be just as heavy, the grief can hit just as hard and feel just as disorienting as losing any other member of the family.
Yet, society often dismisses pet loss with well-meaning but hurtful phrases like, “It was just an animal” or “You can always get another one.” This disenfranchised grief leaves people feeling isolated in their sorrow. The quiet house, the unused leash by the door, and the absence of a warm weight on your lap can be daily reminders of a love that deserves to be fully honoured and openly mourned.
- Loss of Identity and Jobs (Changes in Who We Are)
Sometimes, the grief we carry doesn’t come from losing a person or a pet, but from losing a part of who we are. This can happen when you lose a job you loved, retire after decades of hard work, go through a major life transition or illness, or even when your children grow up and leave home.
When your daily role, your career, or your purpose suddenly disappears, it can leave you feeling completely lost and unanchored. You might find yourself wondering, “Who am I without this?” This kind of loss is very real, and it takes time to gently rebuild your sense of self when life shifts beneath your feet.
Make Space For Your Grief This Season
After all, loss takes many forms, and no two grief journeys look alike. If this season finds you missing someone – whether they are gone from this world, or simply gone from your life – please know that your grief is valid, your heartache is real, and you do not have to carry it all in silence. Find a safe person to talk to, be open to share the grief, even if its hard. Be gentle with yourself, allow the waves to come when they need to, and remember that healing doesn’t mean leaving them behind, but learning how to carry the weight of your grief, giving it space and slowly move forward.
